Miss Literary Legend 2003
by JessieBell10000
Summary: What would happen if Erik, Raoul, Christine, Sherlock, and Watson judged a beauty pageant? Find out here! COMPLETE! R&R please.
1. Introduction to the Pageant world

Disclaimer - I do not own any characters that are familiar to great literature. I do own anything you do not recognize. Enjoy! ^_~  
  
1. Introduction to the Pageant World  
  
Erik: What am I doing here? I demand to know this instance!  
  
Pageant lady: Well, I have brought you all here to, um.well, judge a beauty pageant.  
  
Sherlock: A what now?  
  
Pageant Lady: A pageant for 18-21 year old girls. Each of you will be heading an event, but you will all judge.  
  
Raoul: This will be fun! **Smirks**  
  
Christine: What's that supposed to mean?  
  
Raoul: Oh nothing **Still smirking**  
  
Watson: What are we all going to judge?  
  
Sherlock: Isn't it painfully obvious Watson? I will be heading the speech competition, Erik will be dealing with the talent, Christine will be doing evening wear, and you and whatever that is **points to Raoul who is picking his toes** are just here to feel important.  
  
Pageant Lady: Precisely.  
  
Raoul: Can I judge swimwear? **Smirking yet again**  
  
Christine: You can judge my swimwear. **Winks**  
  
Raoul: Can I judge you without swimwear? **Drooling**  
  
Erik: Wait a second; back up. you want that fop to ogle you? I was crazy when I said I loved you.  
  
Sherlock: **ranting** I've told everyone women are the inferior sex, but no, no one listens to me, especially when I'm being practical! **Throws hands up**  
  
Watson: But Holmes, you're always practical.  
  
Sherlock: I know that! Can't I rant once in a while too?  
  
Pageant Lady: **Clears throat** Anyway, there are 51 girls in this pageant; it's your job to pick a winner.  
  
Erik: Anyone with one fourth of a brain could figure that out.  
  
Raoul: **Flicking lint from his bellybutton** what was that, I missed the last part.  
  
Everyone: **groans**  
  
Raoul: What?  
  
Pageant Lady: You pick the winner based on scores and whoever wins in "Miss Literary Legend 2003".  
  
Everyone: Okay?  
  
Pageant Lady: The scores are on a 1-10 basis, 1 is the worst, 10 is the best and that should be all. Now for your first job every girl needs to introduce herself on stage and you will judge based on poise, appearance, and annunciation.  
  
Raoul: What's annunciation and poise?  
  
Erik: You fop, poise is self-assuredness and annunciation is the quality of pronunciation and clarity of the voice.  
  
Raoul: **Jealously** Smarty-pants.  
  
Erik: **flashes an evil smile and laughs**  
  
Christine: Anyway, when do we get to see them?  
  
Pageant Lady: In five minutes! Hurry to your seats!  
  
(All of them go to their seats and wait until the first girl comes out, she's from Alabama)  
  
Mary-Sue (Alabama Girl): **in a ditzy voice** My name's Mary-Sue Lovelocks and I'm like 18 years old! My hobbies include like, bike riding, bull riding, and oh my God, horseback riding. I am going to become a world like famous rodeo star! Yee-haw!  
  
(The judges give her bad scores, all except Raoul because she was wearing a white see-trough shirt and confused clarity of voice for clarity of shirt. Similar introductions go on until they get to the state of Colorado, the girl is Jessica Gargonzola)  
  
Jessica: I am a twenty-year-old grad student at The University of New Haven to become a forensic scientist, the modern detective. In my free time I enjoy reading, going to the opera, and playing the violin. Thank you.  
  
(This time they all mark down good scores, except Raoul, because her shirt was black [not very see through.] then there were more ditzy girls until Florida, when Erica Lenedra came out.)  
  
Erica: I am a twenty-one-year old grad from a prestigious acting school and I like to sing opera and operetta. In my free time I like to write and be creative. Thank you.  
  
(As the girls keep coming Erik and Sherlock start to get bored, Christine hums to herself, and Watson and Raoul write notes to each other about the telletubbies. That event ends and the judges have to determine the winner for that round of events.)  
  
Raoul: I think Mary-Sue should win! **Daydreaming about Mary-Sue naked**  
  
Erik: Shut up Fop, you only want her to win because she showed the most cleavage; I think that Erica Lenedra and Jessica Gargonzola should win.  
  
Sherlock: I second that notion.  
  
Watson: I am afraid I would have to go with Raoul on this one Holmes.  
  
Sherlock: **Turning red with rage** How many times do I have to tell you that if you don't agree with me then you have to go to your room? Now go!  
  
Watson: **Dejectedly** I can tell when I'm not wanted. **Walks to his room and cries**  
  
Christine: Now that we've got that out of the way I think a girl named Christine should win.  
  
Erik: There were no girls whose name was Christine.  
  
Christine: **Very huffy** Fine then, you and Sherlock can have it your way and Raoul too!  
  
Erik: **Grimacing** Why Raoul?  
  
Christine: **Obviously lying to make Erik mad** because I love him.  
  
Erik: **Rolls eyes** of course you do, so first Erica Lenedra, the Jessica Gargonzola, and then Mary-Sue Lovelocks? **Lip curls at thought of her even placing**  
  
Sherlock: Sadly, yes that is how it goes. 


	2. It's hard to find good help these days

Disclaimer- Look on the first chapter!  
  
2. It's hard to find good help these days!  
  
(We now see Jessica, Erica, Mary-Sue [ugh], and a few other girls; Stephanie, Amy, Tara, Amanda, Meg, Sarah, and Rose all talking about the judges.)  
  
Jessica: **Pondering** for some reason I think I've seen these judges somewhere before.  
  
Erica: **Also pondering** me too, but where?  
  
Both: **Light bulb goes off** Oh my God! It's Erik, Christine, the fop, Sherlock, and Watson! Oh my God!  
  
Rest of them: Who?  
  
Both: The people from "The Phantom of the Opera" and "Sherlock Holmes," they're really here!  
  
Mary-Sue: That's amazing and all, but who's the one that sat next to the fat guy and giggled? **Sighs**  
  
Both: **Grinding teeth** Raoul! Err!  
  
Jessica: **Ready to attack** he's a fop! F-O-P! Foppish, fopping, fop!  
  
Erica: **Holding her back** Calm down Jess, people are entitled to their own opinions.  
  
Jessica: Not if they're good one's about Raoul!  
  
Erica: **Shrugs** Good point.  
  
Amy: Raoul seemed kind of sweet. **Giggles**  
  
Erica and Jessica: **turning red in fury**  
  
Meg: I see no reason why should care about the judges, after all don't we all just want to win?  
  
All except Meg: DUH!  
  
Meg: Don't be so touchy my God!  
  
Stephanie: I for one like Watson! I saw him write telletubbies on a piece of paper! **Smiles stupidly**  
  
Jessica: Do you people know nothing about good literature? **Groans at almost everyone's stupidity aside from Erica, who is not stupid**  
  
All except Erica and Jessica: We know nothing. **Giggling and stupid rambling about how "cute" Raoul is**  
  
Jessica: I need to escape, want to go to the bar with me, I can't drink but maybe the judges are there. **Smiles**  
  
Erica: Of course I want to come, Erik might be there. **Eyes glaze over with happiness**  
  
(They rush down to the bar and there Erik, Sherlock, Watson, and the Fop are chatting)  
  
Erik: Can you believe they're making us do this? **Sips expensive French wine**  
  
Holmes: I dare say most of these girls are feeble-minded dunderheads.  
  
Watson: **Drunken slur** I don't know, it's all in good **burps** fun!  
  
Raoul: Some of these girls are hot!  
  
Erik: I'm going to tell Christine on you! **Laughing childishly**  
  
(Erica and Jessica sneak up on them.)  
  
Erica: Oh my God! I can't believe it's you!  
  
Jessica: You guys are amazing!  
  
Raoul: I know I a-  
  
Jessica: **Interrupts** not you, Erik and Sherlock are amazing.  
  
Erik: Well thank you.  
  
Sherlock: I know I'm amazing; it's just that it takes others less time to notice it than it takes myself, if I'm not mistaken this is Jessica Gargonzola and Erica Lenedra.  
  
Both: **Nod heads in agreement**  
  
Watson: Why aren't Raoul or I amazing?  
  
Erica: Because you watch the telletubbies and worship the gay one, tinky- winky.  
  
Raoul and Watson: **Covering ears** He's not gay! That's just a rumor! **Sips diet soda**  
  
Everyone else: **rolls eyes and slaps them**  
  
Watson: I dare say what was that for?  
  
Raoul: What he said.  
  
Sherlock: Because you are both.  
  
Erik: **finishes the sentence** fops.  
  
Erica and Jessica: Precisely.  
  
Raoul: Hey, where's the girl who wears white shirts near bright lights?  
  
Erica and Jessica: **confused look**  
  
Raoul: That Mary-Sue girl, where is she?  
  
Jessica: Ah! Must there always be more than one idiot anywhere at the same time? I might go out of my mind.  
  
Watson: You cannot "go out of your mind," but your mind can escape you.  
  
Jessica: **clenching fists into punching position** It's a figure of speech! **Punches Watson**  
  
Sherlock: **Laughing** Good show Miss Gargonzola.  
  
Erik: **Laughing** Yes, but can one of you hit Raoul now?  
  
Erica: It would be my pleasure! **Takes off shoe and bats him over the head**  
  
Raoul: **Picks up shoe and puts it on** Hey, did you know we wear the same size shoe?  
  
Erica: **Grabs the shoe from him** Give me that you fop!  
  
Erik and Sherlock: **rolling on the floor laughing**  
  
Raoul: **To Watson** Do you wanna go play with my teletubbie dolls?  
  
Watson: **Excitedly** Of course! It'll be a jolly good time!  
  
Sherlock: It's so hard to find good help these days. 


	3. Help us all!

Disclaimer - Blah, blah, blah, you know where to look!  
  
Help us all!  
  
Jessica: Where is Christine anyway?  
  
Raoul: She said something about going to meet some of the girls. **Still imaging Mary-Sue**  
  
Erica: We have to save them from the escaped primma Donna!  
  
Erik: **Matter-of-fact tone** Actually, Carlotta is the primma Donna, not Christine. **Sips wine**  
  
Jessica: Whatever, but we need to go.  
  
(Jessica and Erica run down the hall to their room and find Christine with the other girls playing truth or dare.)  
  
Sarah: Christine, truth or dare.  
  
Christine: Dare.  
  
Sarah: I dare you to call one of the other judges and make sexual noises to them but don't tell them whom you are.  
  
Christine: **Dials the bar and gets the bartender and in her sexiest voice** can I talk to Raoul de Changy?  
  
Bartender: Okay **Hands the phone to Raoul**  
  
Raoul: Hi! Who is it!  
  
Christine: **Various sexual noises then hangs up**  
  
(All the girls are giggling except Erica and Jessica who are looking on in complete and utter disgust)  
  
Erica: **Turns green** was that call to the **hesitates** fop?  
  
Christine: Why yes it was.  
  
Jessica: I think I'm gonna be sick **runs to the bathroom and everyone hears throw-up noises and comes back out refreshed**  
  
Christine: Would you like to join our game?  
  
Erica and Jessica: **Shrug shoulders** Sure.  
  
Christine: Erica, truth or dare?  
  
Erica: **Nervously** Truth.  
  
Christine: Is it true you suck your toes?  
  
Erica: **Confused** what kind of question is that? You haven't even known me long enough to even try and think I suck my toes. Where did you get that idea?  
  
Christine: You just seem like the kind of person who would suck their toes.  
  
Erica: You have been hanging out with the fop for waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too long.  
  
Erica: So no I do not suck my toes. any way, Jessica, truth or dare.  
  
Jessica: **Nervously** Me?! Why me?!  
  
Erica: **Evil Grin** No reason.  
  
Jessica: Fine, dare.  
  
Erica: I dare you to go up to Erik and steal the Punjab lasso then attempt to strangle the fop with it.  
  
Jessica: My pleasure, want to come watch? **Starts for the door**  
  
Erica: In one minute, let me get the popcorn **Pulls out bag of pre-made popcorn** I'm ready now.  
  
(They go downstairs and sneak up on the Sherlock and Erik yet again. Raoul and Watson are on the floor playing with teletubbie toys.)  
  
Jessica: **Cunningly takes lasso from over Erik's shoulder and swiftly goes behind Raoul and starts to choke him** Ha, ha, ha! Die fop! **Enjoying the dare way too much**  
  
Erik: I want my lasso back the instance he's dead!  
  
Raoul: I-can't-breath! Help me!  
  
Watson: Holmes, what should we do?  
  
Sherlock: Absolutely nothing. **Erik and him place bets that Raoul will turn blue and faint**  
  
Raoul: **Turns blue and faints**  
  
Erik: You owe me $100 smart boy.  
  
Sherlock: **Curses and hands him the money** Here.  
  
Watson: Is he dead? **Crying hysterically**  
  
Sherlock: No dear fellow, only unconscious he'll be back to "normal" in about two to three hours.  
  
Watson: **Stops crying** Okay. **Pockets telletubbies**  
  
Jessica: **Hands back the lasso and smiles sweetly** Here's your lasso.  
  
Erik: Why in the name of God did you take my lasso **Comfortingly stroking lasso**  
  
Jessica: Christine figured it would be fun to play truth or dare and it was my dare to come down here and steal your lasso to strangle Raoul **Shoots glare at Erica**  
  
Erica: **Smiles and laughs nervously** Um. we gotta go back!  
  
(Jessica and Erica run to the room laughing and chatting along the way. When they get there Christine left and they're alone in their hotel room. They turn off the lights and go to sleep.)  
  
R&R if you like it! ^_^ 


	4. Practically Talentless Talent Show

Disclaimer- Blah, blah, blah.  
  
4.Practically Talent-less Talent-show  
  
Pageant Lady: This is the talent portion of the competition.  
  
Erik: Wonderful, that means we will have to watch all of them again.  
  
Sherlock: Are any of them good at anything they do?  
  
Pageant Lady: Probably not, but oh well.  
  
All: **Groan**  
  
(The talent part starts; Mary-Sue comes out in a white bathing suit dragging a kiddy pool.)  
  
Mary-Sue: I can float! **Climbs into the pool and sinks**  
  
Raoul: **Claps**  
  
Everyone else besides Raoul: **Boos her off the stage**  
  
Raoul: **Whispering to them** why did you boo her off? She was amazing!  
  
Everyone: **slaps their forehead with their palms**  
  
(A few more girls come up and then Jessica comes on stage with Erik's costume and her violin.)  
  
Jessica: For my talent I will be performing "The Music of the Night" from Andrew Lloyd Webber's "The Phantom of the Opera." (Plays the song flawlessly and is given a standing ovation.)  
  
Raoul: **Confused** How come there were two Eriks?  
  
Erik: Shut up you fop, that was one of the girls who wants to be like me. **Sighs thinking of all the hero worship**  
  
(Many more girls come up and then Erica comes on stage)  
  
Erica: For my talent I will be singing "The Jewel Song" from Faust. (Sings it impeccably and is given a standing ovation by everyone but Raoul who had put on his ear phones and was listening to the Barney CD)  
  
Sherlock: **Cuffs him on the back of the head** did you just miss that stunning aria to listen to that dribble?  
  
Raoul: **Blinks** what's an aria?  
  
Sherlock: **Gets ready to punch him**  
  
Erik: **Holds Sherlock's arm back and sympathetically says** It's not worth losing strength over a lost hope.  
  
Christine: **Sticking up for him** He is not a lost hope! **Hesitates** I love him.  
  
Erik: **Rolls eyes** Oh please you're just trying to make me jealous again.  
  
Watson: Can Raoul and I go play twister?  
  
Sherlock: Not until the competition ends.  
  
Erik: Yes, not until the competition has ended.  
  
(Many bad acts later the competition ends)  
  
Christine: You can all choose the winner, I just want to play twister.  
  
Erik: I think Jessica should win, then Erica, and then no one else because they were all dreadful. And I will never listen to Carmen the same way again. **Shudders at the thought of hearing Stephanie singing it again**  
  
Sherlock: I completely agree. 


	5. Twister and its consequences, be them go...

Disclaimer- you should know by now.  
  
Twister and its consequences, be them good or bad.  
  
(Erik and Sherlock disappear before the Twister match and arrive back with Jessica and Erica squirming in their arms **sigh**)  
  
Erik: **Trying to control Erica** you are going to play and you are going to like it!  
  
Sherlock: **Setting Jessica on the ground** as will you. Now play with us or we will be forced to make Mary-Sue win the pageant.  
  
Jessica and Erica: **Gasp** never! We'll play, we'll play!  
  
Raoul and Watson: **Clapping** Oh yay! New friends!  
  
Jessica: To make this clear I am not your friend. I am only doing this because Sherlock agreed to take me to London and share his house with me if I did.  
  
Sherlock: **Confused** I never said that.  
  
Jessica: You didn't have to **Winks**  
  
Sherlock: **Regains composure** oh, I see.  
  
Erica: I'm only playing because Erik agreed to take me to his lair and keep me there with him for all eternity. **Glares at Christine**  
  
Christine: **Blinks** what did I do?  
  
Erica: Nothing, forget I said anything.  
  
Raoul: **Huffy** Can we just play?  
  
All: Fine!  
  
(They all begin on the corners and sides while Christine spun the spinner)  
  
Christine: **Spins it** Right foot yellow.  
  
(Everyone does it)  
  
Christine: **Spins again** Left hand blue.  
  
(Sherlock and Jessica knock their heads together, causing a rather loud noise. Raoul attempted to look up Erica's skirt but she kicked him in the face with her left foot and Watson contemplated which side was his left and which was the right.)  
  
Christine: **Spins and devilishly grins** Left foot, Raoul's butt!  
  
Everyone: **happily kicks him in the butt**  
  
Raoul: **Almost crying** that's one strange board. I never knew that was part of Twister.  
  
Jessica: **Devious plan in her mind** Let me spin it! **Grabs board before Christine can protest and spins it** Sherlock's lips, Jessica's lips.  
  
Sherlock: **Raising an eyebrow** I want to see the board before I go through with that.  
  
Jessica: Nope sorry. **Kisses him before he knows what's going on**  
  
Sherlock: I didn't catch that last phrase repeat that. **Smirking**  
  
Jessica: Not 'til later Sherlock. **Winks**  
  
Erica: **Also has a devious plan** I want to spin it! **Snatches it from Jessica and spins** It says the funniest thing, Erik's lips, Erica's lips!  
  
Erik: I highly doubt it says that! In fact, I am certain it does not.  
  
Erica: You'll have to kiss me to find out.  
  
Erik: **Falling for the trick** fine! **Kisses her passionately and then takes the board and naively states** I told you it didn't say th-. **Gets sulky**Oh my I'm acting like the fop! **Hits himself** Stop it, stop it, stop it!  
  
Erica: **Faints from the kiss**  
  
Watson: Someone fetch a glass of water!  
  
Raoul: **Comes over with a glass in his teeth and on all fours like a dog** Here you go! **Hands Watson an empty glass**  
  
Watson: It needs water in it! But I want to be a puppy too! **Starts to act like a dog with Raoul**  
  
Erik: Must we do everything ourselves? **Gets water and pours it on Erica's face waking her up**  
  
Erica: I had the most wonderful dream. Erik kissed me! **Heavenly sigh**  
  
Jessica: You weren't dreaming. It really happened.  
  
Erica: **Faints again**  
  
Sherlock: Look at what you have done! **Gets another glass of water and pours it on her**  
  
Christine: Oh dear! She's sopping wet. **Helps Erica up** You need some fresh clothes.  
  
Erica: **Pulls her arm away** No, I don't. I'm fine.  
  
Christine: **Persistently** Yes you do, now come!  
  
Erica: No.  
  
Christine: Yes.  
  
Erica: No.  
  
Christine: Yes.  
  
Jessica: No one is going anywhere now let's finish our game. Watson and Raoul are going to have a death match . . . Did I say death match? I meant tournament.  
  
Raoul and Watson: Phew.  
  
Jessica: **Spins wheel making up things** Fop's hand, Watson's face.  
  
Raoul: **Hits Watson and giggles** I hit Watson!  
  
Christine: **Spinning** Watson's foot, Fop's . . . well, you know.  
  
Watson: **Gets very competitive and kicks Raoul where the sun doesn't shine** Ha, take that you fop!  
  
Raoul: **Gasping for air and going into the fetal position** I thought you were my friend! **Starts to violently sob**  
  
Watson: **Suddenly feeling bad and in the tune of "Cleanin' out my closet" by Eminem apologizes** I'm sorry Viscomte. I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't make you cry, but tonight I'm playing Twister!  
  
Erik: That was the single most disturbing thing I ever heard.  
  
Raoul: I want my fluffy-lumpkins! **Referring to a stuffed monkey**  
  
Erik: Never mind that was the single most disturbing thing I ever heard.  
  
Sherlock: I concur.  
  
Jessica: I second that notion.  
  
Erica: I just have nothing to say to that.  
  
Christine: **Runs to Raoul from their room with the monkey toy** Here he is my darling Viscomte.  
  
All except those two: **Shudder and wince**  
  
(Raoul and Christine return to their room to ease his pain [shuddering and wincing at the thought] and Watson goes back to his room to play with the Teletubbie dolls he stole. Erik and Sherlock go to the bar and sit at a small table with large leather armchairs while Jessica and Erica follow them)  
  
Erik: **Orders some old French wine** I will be glad when this whole affair is over.  
  
Sherlock: I say we just skip the eveningwear and proclaim Jessica and Erica the winners, there is always the first time for a tie right?  
  
Erik: **Sips wine** But then Christine will be terribly upset.  
  
Sherlock: **Chuckles** That wine has gone to your head already, Christine is in that room right now engaging in things of which I do not wish to think of with another man, well let's call him an it. Do you think she loves you? Move on old boy, find someone knew with a pretty face and voice. **Sips his Brandy**  
  
Erik: I suppose so. But who in the world can sing as well as Christine?  
  
(Jessica and Erica pop up from behind the plant that they were spying on them with)  
  
Erica: **Slyly** I know someone with an even better voice than Christine.  
  
Erik: **Intrigued** Who?  
  
Erica: **Jumps into his lap** me!  
  
Jessica: **Flirtatiously** And, Holmes, I know someone far more worthy of your companionship than Watson.  
  
Sherlock: I could name quite a few myself.  
  
Jessica: **Sits in his lap** I think it should be me! After all, I am a major in forensic science and I could help with a lot of things **wink, wink**  
  
Sherlock: This is getting a little out of control don't you think?  
  
Jessica: I won't tell if you don't tell.  
  
Sherlock: My lips are sealed. **Does the zipper gesture to his mouth**  
  
Erica: **Looking into Erik's eyes** I won't tell if you don't tell.  
  
Erik: I suppose I won't after all, rules are meant to be broken, although rules I set are never broken and for good reason **Pulls out a picture of the Punjab lasso**  
  
Erica: **Confused look crosses her face** Why do you have a picture of your lasso?  
  
Erik: **quickly puts it back** No reason.  
  
Sherlock: I say, it's getting late. We should all retire to bed, tomorrow is the eveningwear competition and we all want to look our best. 


	6. How much more can we handle?

Disclaimer - You know what I have to say.  
  
How much more can we handle?  
  
(It's seven o'clock at night and everyone is in their spots for the eveningwear competition. Erik, Christine, and Sherlock are in their best clothes while Watson and Raoul have on their tinky-winky fan club shirts and short shorts [shuddering and wincing at the thought.])  
  
Announcer: Contestant number one is Mary-Sue Lovelocks. She is aspiring to be a rodeo clown. **Mary-Sue comes out in a mini skirt and a halter top, but under the skirt is what seems to be a tutu so it makes the skirt puffy**  
  
Sherlock: **Whispering to Erik** She looks like a rodeo clown.  
  
Erik: **Snickering** I know she does. But at least we know she will not win.  
  
(Contestant after contestant goes until Jessica)  
  
Announcer: Contestant number next is Jessica Gargonzola. She is a grad student studying forensic science. **Jessie walks out gracefully with a powder blue gown on. It is fitted and sparkly on top and the bottom is puffy and big fitted with tooling**  
  
Sherlock and Erik: **Jaws drop and write down good scores**  
  
Christine: **Impressed with gown and gives good score**  
  
Raoul and Watson: **compete to find out who knows more about tinky-winky**  
  
(Some girls in hideous dresses come out)  
  
Announcer: Erica Lenedra is contestant number next. She is aspiring to be an opera or operetta singer. **Erica comes out in a white gown with sequins and lots of shiny things on top. The bottom is full and pretty**  
  
Sherlock and Erik: **Jaws drop with good scores**  
  
Christine: **Gives her the same score as Jessica**  
  
Raoul and Watson: **Continue to argue over who knows more about tinky- winky**  
  
(The competition ends and it is time for the judges to take all of the girls out to dinner to test their poise, attitude, and manners. Jess and Erica get to sit near Erik and Sherlock while all the other girls sit at other tables)  
  
Raoul: **Looking over the menu** what are all these fancy words?  
  
Erik: **Giving him and evil stare** you of all people should know, it's in French.  
  
Sherlock: A fine menu indeed. **Glancing over it**  
  
Raoul: **Hitting the table with his utensils** I want pizza! I want pizza!  
  
Watson: **Copies Raoul**  
  
Christine: **Sweetly** Raoul dear, you can't have pizza tonight. You have to have something fancy.  
  
Raoul: **Sniffling** I want fancy pizza.  
  
Christine: **Comfortingly** you can have crepes, okay?  
  
Raoul: **Crossing his arms and has a pouting face** Fine.  
  
(From the other tables you hear various bathroom noises and obscene words)  
  
Jessica: **Smiling trying to be a suck up** They should be ashamed of themselves. **Elbows Erica to do they same**  
  
Erica: **Catches on in a few seconds** Oh yes! I concur.  
  
Sherlock: **Being oblivious for the first time ever (Except that whole Irene thing, but we'll forget about that)** you two have impeccable manners. What are you going to order?  
  
Jessica and Erica: **Look at each other in confusion** Uh . . .  
  
Erik: Don't worry you two, I'll order for you.  
  
Jessica: I'm a vegetarian who eats chicken so keep that in mind.  
  
Erik: **Looks up from the menu confused** How can you be a vegetarian and still eat chicken?  
  
Jessica: **Matter-of-fact voice** I have a problem with chickens so I eat them.  
  
All: **Blink**  
  
Waiter: **Comes over** what would be your pleasure?  
  
Raoul: **Starts to cry again** Pizza!  
  
Waiter: I am sorry sir but we do not serve pizza.  
  
Christine: He'll just have some strawberry crepes thank you. With a glass of milk please.  
  
Watson: **Smiling stupidly** I want crepes and milk!  
  
Sherlock: I will have the spinach quiche with a glass of 1873 Burgundy.  
  
Erik: My two friends will have an almond salad with raspberry vinaigrette and glasses of sparkling water. I will be having the same thing as the previous man whose order you took.  
  
Waiter: **Snooty** Excellent choices. **Walks away**  
  
Jessica: **Curling her lip** what was up his butt?  
  
Erik, Sherlock, Christine, Watson, and Raoul: **Blink**  
  
Jessica: **Realizing they don't know what she means** it's a figure of speech.  
  
All: **Understand** oh.  
  
(The waiter brings them their food)  
  
Raoul: **Face is covered in food in one second by plunging it into the crepes** this is good! **Plunges face back into crepes**  
  
Erik: **Slaps forehead with palm** I hate him. I really do hate him.  
  
Sherlock: **Pats him on the back** I do too, don't worry.  
  
Jessica and Erica: **Perk up** we hate Raoul too!  
  
Watson: **Clapping** Yay! I'm not hated.  
  
Jessica: Don't get us wrong Watson, we hate you too.  
  
Watson: **Starts to cry and plunges face into his crepes as well**  
  
Erica: Sherlock, Erik, Christine, why do you have friends who are so stupid?  
  
Sherlock: **Matter-of-fact tone** to make us look smarter.  
  
Jessica: **To Erica** we could've given them that answer.  
  
Erica: **Sighs** I know.  
  
Jessica: How much more of this can we take?  
  
Erica: I'm not sure **Shakes head**  
  
(Dinner ends and they all go back to the hotel to go to sleep) 


	7. Chicken Fights!

Disclaimer - You know.  
  
Chicken Fight!  
  
(The next day everyone is sent to the pool for a "party" that they MUST attend. Mary-Sue is in a **gasp** white bathing suit [Eww! See through!] Jessica and Erica are hanging around the judges. Erik is wearing a black bathing suit **fainting at the thought** Sherlock is in a gray bathing **fainting at that thought too** Christine is in a skimpy bathing suit **gag** and Raoul and Watson are in **gulp** Tinky-winky Speedos! **Throwing up at thought of Watson or Raoul in a Teletubbie Speedo)  
  
Jessica: Were you forced here too?  
  
Erik and Sherlock: Naturally.  
  
Watson: I like pool parties! **Fat giggles as he runs to the pool and everyone goes into a hypnotic state**  
  
Raoul: **Eyes wide open** Look at all the pretty colors.  
  
Erik: **Snaps out of it and forms an evil plan. In a hypnotists voice** When I snap my fingers all of you will wake up, except Raoul. **Snaps fingers and all wake up**  
  
All except Raoul: **Confused**  
  
Erik: Raoul when I say the word Fop, you will say, "I am the world's biggest fop and I don't deserve the love of Christine." When I say the name Christine you are to say "Christine you should love Erik because I don't deserve you." When I say pool, you will say "Erik please push me in." When I snap my fingers you will wake up, but everything I just said will still be in your head. **Snaps fingers**  
  
Raoul: Did I take a nap?  
  
Erik: I don't know, but why don't we go in the pool.  
  
Raoul: **Drone-like** Erik, push me in.  
  
Erik: You're the boss. **Pushes Raoul in and laughs**  
  
Christine: Erik that's not nice! **Goes in the pool to help Raoul**  
  
Erik: **Smirks evilly** whatever you say . . . Christine.  
  
Raoul: **Drone-like** Christine you should love Erik because I don't deserve you.  
  
Sherlock: **Thinking** this reminds me of when I met Freud. He hypnotized me out of my cocaine habit **talks to himself about the experience because no one's listening**  
  
Jessica: Why don't we have chicken fights?  
  
Erica: **Scared** Chickens?! Where?!  
  
Jessica: You know, chicken fights!  
  
Erica: Phew **Wipes her forehead**  
  
Everyone else: **blinks**  
  
Jessie: **Sighs at their ignorance** A chicken fight is when you're in the pool and you sit on someone's shoulders, then you try to knock someone off someone else's shoulders.  
  
Erica: I call being Erik's partner!  
  
Erik: **Rolls eyes** Oh goody.  
  
Jessica: I want to be Sherlock's partner!  
  
Sherlock: Okay?  
  
Christine: **Disgustedly** I'll be Raoul's partner.  
  
Raoul: **Obliviously** Yay! I'm loved!  
  
Watson: **Gets teary-eyed** doesn't anyone want to be my partner?  
  
Mary-Sue: **Runs up and giggles stupidly** I'll be the chubby man's partner!  
  
Watson: **Gets happy** Yay! I'm loved too!  
  
(Sherlock and Jessica vs. Erik and Erica)  
  
Erik: **To Erica** Get 'em Erica! You can do it!  
  
Sherlock: Good show Jessica! Knock the bugger off his bloody shoulders.  
  
Both teams: **Stop dead and look at Sherlock**  
  
Sherlock: **Realizes he said bugger** Oh, excuse my language; I'm a tad competitive sometimes. **Goes back to the game**  
  
(They play two games and it comes out as a tie. Next Christine and Raoul play against Watson and Mary-Sue)  
  
Mary-Sue: **Before the game starts** Do I really have to push her? I just got my nails done.  
  
Watson: That's the point of the game.  
  
Mary-Sue: **Sighs huffily** Fine! I'll do it.  
  
(The game starts and Mary-Sue lets Christine beat her)  
  
Raoul: Yay! We won!  
  
Watson: Why did you let them win?  
  
Mary-Sue: Did you really think that I was going to let my $50 manicure go to waste?  
  
Raoul: Ha, ha! She's a wussy!  
  
Erik: Shut up fop yesterday you were dreaming of her naked.  
  
Raoul: **Drone-like** I am the world's biggest fop and I don't deserve the love of Christine.  
  
Erik: **Snickering** We know Fop, we know.  
  
Raoul: **Drone-like** I am the world's biggest fop and I don't deserve the love of Christine.  
  
Erik: **Rolling on the floor laughing**  
  
Watson: **Starts to cry** we only have five minutes left!  
  
Erik: **Recovering from insane laughter** Then we should all take our last dips in the POOL! **Starts to laugh again**  
  
Raoul: **Drone-like** Erik, please push me in!  
  
Erik: **Still laughing so hard his sides ache** Okay! **Pushes him in again and laughs even harder**  
  
Christine: Erik you are very mean today! Get him out of it right this instance!  
  
Erik: **Stops laughing** Fine. **Snaps his fingers and Raoul falls asleep** Raoul, you will forget everything I told you and when I snap my fingers you will be back to normal, well as normal as you can get. **Snaps fingers**  
  
Raoul: **Confused** Wow, was I asleep again?  
  
Watson: Yea you were!  
  
Raoul: **Gets really big eyes** Let's go play with teletubbie dolls!  
  
Watson: Okay! **They run away**  
  
Sherlock: We can go now as five minutes has passed.  
  
Jessica and Erica: Thank God.  
  
(Everyone else leaves and goes to bed to get ready for the speech competition tomorrow.) 


	8. A Guinea Pig Rendered Speechless

Disclaimer - If you still think I own anything go hang out with the fop.  
  
A Guinea Pig Rendered Speechless  
  
(The next morning everyone is getting ready for their speeches and the judges are seated at the stand.)  
  
Announcer: Contestant number one is Mary-Sue Lovelocks. Her speech is titled, "The Amazing Me."  
  
Mary-Sue: (Walks out in completely white outfit [Eww]) Like oh my God! I forgot my speech so like I'll just like make some stuff up. Let's see. I'm like amazing in like everyway! I am so totally awesome and I love to like ride ponies and stuff! Ponies are so fuzzy. How could anyone hate something fuzzy? I dunno so bye!  
  
Crowd: **Blink**  
  
(Some other girls go up and talk about their accomplishments and their hair and stuff like that. Then it's Jessica's turn)  
  
Jessica: My hero is not of flesh and blood, but of pen and ink. Thanks to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle his adventures unfolded before our eyes. Sherlock Holmes was and extraordinary intellectual who would know your whole life story simply by using the power of deduction. He also played the violin and was a master chemist; all of these skills helped him develop into the greatest detective of all time. I am aspiring to be a forensic scientist, the modern detective, and by reading Sherlock Holmes stories I have learned many things that can help me in my chosen career. So if you ask me why Sherlock Holmes is my hero, "It's elementary my dear." Thank you.  
  
Crowd: **Applauds for several minutes until finally told to stop clapping**  
  
(Several other people come up and then it's Erica's turn.)  
  
Erica: A lesson you should learn in life is acceptance. My favorite book, The Phantom of the Opera, is an example of that. All of his life Erik is hated and ridiculed because he has a deformity, although he is a genius. Finally he falls in love with Christine Daae and proclaims to be her "Angel of Music," a legendary angel her father told her about as a child. For several months she takes lessons from him and is finally given her debut in Faust. Then, Raoul de Changy comes into the picture and ruins everyone's life because he's a stupid, handsome, Viscomte. Soon Christine sees Erik's face, and rejects him because of his appearance. Then, she ran away with the fop and they let Erik suffer. So you see, you should accept people because if you don't there are consequences. Thank you.  
  
Crowd: **Applauds until they're told to stop**  
  
(The competition finishes and everyone goes outside to ride go-carts that the pageant people let them use. Well actually there are several go-carts [45 to be exact] and everyone who is important is riding them.)  
  
Jessica: (Yelling to Erica) This is fun! I wonder why they're letting us do this. (Hits what she thinks is a speed bump and keeps going along. She looks back to see if it was one and sees a mass of fur plastered to the road. She doesn't say anything to Erica who is riding ahead; in fact she plans to keep it a secret)  
  
(Five minutes later when everyone has to get off their go-carts)  
  
Raoul: **looking around** has anyone seen my guinea pig, princess? **Sees the road kill and runs over crying and screaming like a girl** Princess! He was such a good guinea pig! I love you princess! **Wailing and screaming even more. Most of the other girls, except Erica and Jessica start to cry too**  
  
Christine: Did you just say HE was a good guinea pig and HIS name was Princess?  
  
Raoul: **Still sobbing** Yes! Princess was such a good boy!  
  
Watson: **Pulling on Holmes's shirt cuffs like a child** Let's solve to mystery of the road pancake!  
  
Sherlock: Oh please, it's only a dead guinea pig. No one really cares.  
  
Raoul: **Begging at his feet** Please Mr. Holmes! I want to know who killed my poor Princess! **Gets an idea** I think it was Erik! He always hated Princess since he would piddle on his papers.  
  
Erik: Sherlock can tell you I couldn't even start my go-cart so it couldn't have been me **under his breath** although I wish it was.  
  
Raoul: **Starts to sob again** Please! Please! Please!  
  
Sherlock: This is pitiful. I knew I shouldn't have come to America. Oh well, I suppose I can help you fop.  
  
Raoul: **Gets all happy and perky** We're going to figure out who killed my precious baby boy Princess! 


	9. The Investigation Begins and Ends

Disclaimer - You know it, I know it so I'm not gonna say it.  
  
The Investigation Begins  
  
(Everyone is watching the TV and some reporter comes on with a special bulletin)  
  
Reporter: I'm here, outside this hotel where the murder of the century has been committed. Mr. Raoul de Chagny's male guinea pig, Princess, was cold- bloodedly murdered yesterday outside this very location. I am here with Mr. Changy who wants to say a few words about the murder.  
  
Raoul: All I want to say is that the murder of a guy's defenseless guinea pig should be punishable by the death penalty! Oh yea and Watson, I want my teletubbie dolls back! **Starts to cry again**  
  
Reporter: Those are the grief stricken words of a sad man. Back to you John.  
  
(Erik shuts off the TV)  
  
Erik: This is pathetic. All that happened was someone accidentally killed a loose rat.  
  
Sherlock: At least they didn't ask you to figure it out.  
  
Erik: True I can be thankful for that.  
  
Sherlock: I may just pin it on Mary-Sue and be done with it, but then my reputation would be tainted.  
  
Jessica: I won't tell if you don't tell.  
  
Watson: **Laughing** But I will!  
  
Sherlock: **Takes out walking stick that if you press a tiny button a dagger comes out** If you're smart you'll keep quiet.  
  
Watson: **Gets scared and trembles** Shutting up.  
  
Sherlock: That's what I thought. **Puts away the walking stick**  
  
Erik: Where'd you get that? I think I may want one of those.  
  
Christine: Erik, you already have a walking stick that doubles as a club and you have to Punjab lasso, are you ever satisfied?  
  
Erik: Not really, no.  
  
Christine: **Sighs and gives up**  
  
Jessica: **Panicky** what are you going to do first?  
  
Sherlock: I suppose I'll take the tire prints of all of the go-carts and then match them with the prints on the body. Then using the sign out sheet I'll just match the number with a name.  
  
Jessica: **Gulps** Oh.  
  
Raoul: **Bursts in wearing an exact replica of Sherlock's clothing** It's time to solve a mystery! Someone give me my clues right now! I want clues this instant!  
  
Sherlock: Please don't disgrace me by wearing my clothes and leave all the work to me you imbecile.  
  
Raoul: Don't talk to Watson like that. He's supposed to be your friend.  
  
Sherlock: **Slaps the fop across the face** you idiot! I was talking to you! Now before I begin does anyone know anything about the murder of the fop's rat? **No one answers** Fine, I guess I have to go take tire prints.  
  
Jessica: I'll come with you! **Has a plan to switch numbers on cars to make it look like she wasn't in the one that killed the guinea pig and since she was in twelve she would change it to 21. They get out there and she quickly switches the numbers so that no one could see her do it**  
  
Sherlock: This is completely absurd. Who ever thought that someone could get so upset over a dead guinea pig?  
  
Jessica: **Nervously** Yea.  
  
Sherlock: and then who cares if they killed it, but since I asked a no one confessed to it then the person who did do it will be disqualified.  
  
Jessica: **Madly** Rats!  
  
Sherlock: What?  
  
Jessica: **Realizes she said "rats"** Oh nothing.  
  
Sherlock: Although, I can see why someone wouldn't say anything. The fop is probably stronger than he looks and who knows what he could do to someone. Besides, there's a good chance he's rabid.  
  
Jessica: Interesting. **Getting even more nervous**  
  
Sherlock: **Inspecting tires and getting imprints** I must say you are one of the most admirable women I have ever met. Usually I would say that women are liars and too secretive, but you seem to be exactly the opposite.  
  
Jessica: **Increasingly nervous** Thank you for the compliment.  
  
Sherlock: **Gets up off the ground and hugs Jessica close to him** this is the first time I've ever felt like this.  
  
Jessica: **Feeling seriously guilty** I have to tell you something.  
  
Sherlock: What?  
  
Jessica: **Looks down and mumbles** I killed the fop's rat.  
  
Sherlock: **Taken totally aghast and backs away slowly** what? You lied to me?  
  
Jessica: I didn't want to say I did it! It was an accident I swear! Don't be mad.  
  
Sherlock: I just told you all that and said that you were truthful and then you lie? What is wrong with you? You disgust me. **Walks away with all of his papers and such**  
  
Jessica: **Hits herself in the face** Why am I so stupid?  
  
Random Announcer voice: **Like a soap opera thingy** Will Sherlock ever reveal Jessica killed Princess, the boy guinea pig? Will the fop ever become intelligent? Will Erica and Erik ever hook up? Find out one of these answers in the next chapter, which answer will it be, I'm not at liberty to tell, but you'll find out. 


	10. A Solution?

Disclaimer - **Whole bunch of Author's dribble**  
  
A Solution?  
  
(Sherlock is standing in front of the board of directors, Raoul, and all the other contestants and judges getting ready to tell them that Jessica killed the fop's rat.)  
  
Director 1: So Sherlock, who did it?  
  
Director 2: I say you've been standing there a long time spit it out.  
  
Sherlock: Well. (Hesitates)  
  
Raoul: (Interrupts) It doesn't matter really. Princess had something like guinea-pig-itus and he was going to die anyway.  
  
Erica: that's the first smart thing the fop has ever said.  
  
Sherlock: **Enraged** Are you saying that you had me ruin, I mean investigate for nothing?!  
  
Raoul: Huh? I'm confused. What was ruined?  
  
Sherlock: An innocent person's reputation and I have to talk to the board members privately please.  
  
(Everyone exits and Sherlock tells them all about Jessica. She is disqualified but is permitted to stay on the pageant grounds until the pageant is over, which is after the finale tonight. Jessica and Erica are in their room while Erica is getting ready.)  
  
Erica: Why aren't you getting ready?  
  
Jessica: (Mumbles) I can't be in it anymore.  
  
Erica: **Shocked** Why?! What did you do?!  
  
Jessica: I killed the rat.  
  
Erica: **Has a blonde (no offense people who are blonde) moment** what rat? **Thinks about it** Oh! You killed Princess? Good job!  
  
Jessica: Yea, but in the process I lost other stuff too.  
  
Erica: What do you mean?  
  
Jessica: Nothing. But look at the time; it's almost time for you to go on stage. Hurry up!  
  
Erica: Okay, okay, okay. **Finishes her hair and they head down to the auditorium where the finale of the pageant is taking place**  
  
(Erica goes in the back and while she's in the back Jessica goes to try and find her seat. On the way to her seat she bumps into Sherlock who is also sitting in the audience.)  
  
Jessica: **Confused** shouldn't you be on the stage with the other judges.  
  
Sherlock: **Coldly** Thanks to you I got expelled. Now I beg you to leave me alone and find your seat.  
  
Jessica: Well I'm sorry for lying**Walks away and sits on the completely other side of the auditorium**  
  
Sherlock: **To himself** Rats! **Random people look at him** what are you looking at? **Random people immediately look away** that's better.  
  
(Meanwhile backstage Raoul and Watson are walking around with their teletubbie shirts and short shorts on. Christine following them and Erik is just staring at them in disgust)  
  
Raoul: Why was smart man expelled?  
  
Christine: **Shoves a cookie in his mouth** because he didn't want to be a judge anymore.  
  
Watson: That's not what Erik told us.  
  
Christine: **Shots Erik a glare** what did you tell them?  
  
Erik: **Seriously ** I told them that since he was making advances on a contestant he was expelled due to biased judgment.  
  
Raoul: Stop using so many big words! I no understand! It sounds like, "I told them that since he was making blahs on a blah he was blahed due to blah blah."  
  
Erik: Die fop.  
  
Raoul: **Gets teary-eyed** I hate that nickname! Can't we call me something like Viscomte or something nice? I hate being called names!  
  
Erica: **Pops up from nowhere** I personally like the nickname fop.  
  
Raoul: **Gets excited** Really?  
  
Erica: **Trying to suppress her laughter** Yea, it fits your personality.  
  
Raoul: Well if other people like it I can deal with it. Watson?  
  
Watson: Yes foppy!  
  
Raoul: Let's go play with telletubbies!  
  
Watson: Yay! Telletubbies! I love telletubbies!  
  
Raoul: Me too! Yay!  
  
(They run off to go play with the dolls)  
  
Erik: **To himself but Erica hears** How did I ever love the woman who is in love with him?  
  
Erica: You liked her voice! Duh! Didn't you read the books? Erik you need to get inside your head.  
  
Christine: **Gets teary-eyed** you only loved me for my voice? I feel so I don't know! Ugh! **Storms away**  
  
Erica: **Blinks**  
  
Erik: That was odd. 


	11. A Few More Interesting Things Before the...

Disclaimer - If you don't get the idea by now you should answer the following question; is that your IQ or your age?  
  
A Few More Interesting Events Before the End  
  
(The show starts and the opening number comes on and they dance to "I'll be there for you." After the dance some celebrities come on and do some stunts and songs. Then, the judges came on stage.)  
  
Erik: As you all know this has been an interesting week. We've gotten to meet extraordinary girls **Twitches**, witness a murder investigation **twitches again**, and find the Miss Literary Legend 2003.  
  
Christine: This experience has changed us all and in many different ways . . .  
  
Raoul: **Interrupts** Yea, like Christine got fatter!  
  
Christine: **Slaps Raoul** Anyway, many of these girls evolved from being shy and unconfident to being outgoing and confident! I also have another announcement.  
  
Everyone: **Confused**  
  
Christine: I'm pregnant!  
  
Erik, Raoul, and Watson: **faint with shock**  
  
Christine: Well so much for being happy for me.  
  
Erik, Raoul, and Watson: **Get up and shake off the shock**  
  
Erik: **Clears his throat** Anyway, we should get down to business.  
  
Raoul: Christine and I did that already so she's having a baby.  
  
Erik: **Grimaces** I didn't mean it that way. We should announce the winners.  
  
Watson: Jolly good idea.  
  
Erik: O_o **Regains composure** Back to the girls, our fourth runner up is Meg Girny.  
  
Crowd: **Applauses while she is given a small trophy**  
  
Erik: Third runner up is Tara Tiana.  
  
Crowd: **Applauses while she is given a bigger trophy than Meg**  
  
Raoul: Second runner up is Mary-Sue Sexy girl!  
  
Mary-Sue: **Looks around** I don't think I saw her here.  
  
Erik: **Slaps his forehead with his palm** He means Mary-Sue Lovelocks.  
  
Mary-Sue: Yay! I win something!  
  
Crowd: **Silently confused while she is given a very large trophy**  
  
Christine: First runner up for this year's Miss Literary Legend 2003 is **Waits a few moments to build up dramatic effect** Erica Lenedra!  
  
Crowd: **Applauding wildly and cheering as she is given a crown and a huge trophy**  
  
Erik: **Opening the final envelope** Finally, the moment everyone's been waiting for. The moment we crown Miss Literary Legend 2003. This year Miss Literary Legend is - **Shocked when he reads the name to himself** Well, it looks as though the girl on the card was disqualified from the competition so Miss Erica Lenedra will be taking her place as Miss Literary Legend 2003!  
  
Crowd: **Gasps and then applauds passionately and everyone takes pictures and she's given the huge crown, a banner, and an enormous trophy. **  
  
Erik: Thank you all for coming and goodnight1!  
  
(They rush off the stage and backstage the judges meet Sherlock while Jessica goes to congratulate Erica)  
  
Jessica: Good job Erica! I'm really proud that you won.  
  
Erica: Yea, but you deserved it.  
  
Jessica: No I didn't I killed something then lied about it. **They both laugh**  
  
Erica: Yea, did you see Raoul's face when Christine said she was pregnant? It was priceless! I swear I thought he was going to die.  
  
Jessica: **Giggles** If only he did die.  
  
Erica: Yea I know. Why wasn't Sherlock up there?  
  
Jessica: **Suddenly gets really angry** he deserved not to be up there.  
  
Erica: I'm not even going to ask. But let me change and then we could figure out what we'll do to celebrate. **Starts to laugh**  
  
(Meanwhile with the judges)  
  
Raoul: **Has fainted again because Christine is REALLY pregnant**  
  
Sherlock: I suppose it would only be cordial to say congratulations.  
  
Christine: Thank you.  
  
Erik: **Talking to himself** Why Lord? Why did you do this to me?  
  
Sherlock: **Pats him on the back** It's not the worst thing that could happen.  
  
Raoul: **Wakes up** Let's go bowling!  
  
Sherlock: Must we?  
  
Watson: Yes we must!  
  
(Back up in Erica and Jessica's room)  
  
Erica: We should go bowling to celebrate.  
  
Jessica: Do we have to?  
  
Erica: C'mon, it'll be fun.  
  
Jessica: Whatever you say.  
  
(They head for the bowling ally on to see Erik, Raoul, Christine, and **bum bum bum** Sherlock there!) 


	12. A Perfect 10?

Disclaimer - If you don't know by now go hang out with the fop.  
  
Fop: **Confused** Wait! You don't own us?  
  
Jessica: That's right. **Frowns**  
  
Fop: **Sigh of relief**  
  
Jessica: **Hits Fop and he falls to the ground. Clears throat** Anyway, enjoy.  
  
A Perfect Ten?  
  
Jessica: **Notices Sherlock** We have to go back right now! I mean like right now!  
  
Erica: What is wrong with you? Let's just bowl! You said we could go anywhere I wanted to and I want to come bowling.  
  
Jessica: **Mumbles** fine.  
  
Watson: **Sees them** Oh goody! Friends are here! **No one pays attention to him**  
  
Jessica: **Ducks behind Erica** Hide me!  
  
**From the front of the bowling ally at the shoe counter**  
  
Nadir: I can't believe I came all the way here to see that crappy show and then come bowling! You people disgust me!  
  
Erik: If we have to go bowling than you do too.  
  
Nadir: Do you know how many people wear these shoes?  
  
Sherlock: It doesn't matter; you do have socks, don't you?  
  
Nadir: **Nervously** Of course I do.  
  
Raoul: Oh good, because that would be gross.  
  
Sherlock: You dolt, he has no socks.  
  
Raoul: Ohh! Eww!  
  
Nadir: **Gets really red and angry** Shut up!  
  
Watson: **Pulling at Sherlock's sleeves** Look! Our friends are here!  
  
Sherlock: **Looks to see Jessica attempting to hide behind Erica** I see no one we know, come Watson, if we must bowl let's get it over with.  
  
Watson: Okay?  
  
**Due to stupid twists of fate they end up next to Jessica and Erica on the lanes**  
  
Erica: Hi Erik!  
  
Erik: **Monotonously** Bonjour Erica and Jessica.  
  
Jessica: **Mumbles** Hi Erik.  
  
Erik: Someone's happy.  
  
Jessica: Shut up.  
  
Sherlock: Erik, why do you waste your time talking to her, she's of no concern of ours. Let's just finish our game.  
  
Erik: Okay?  
  
Erica: **Whispers to Jessica** what's his problem?  
  
Jessica: It doesn't matter. Now let's bowl.  
  
Erica: Okay?  
  
**They bowl on separate lanes for like 20 minutes but then Jessica and Erica's lane won't return the balls so they have to wait for the repairperson.**  
  
Erica: Can we watch their game?  
  
Jessica: I don't care anymore.  
  
Erica: Yay!  
  
**It's Raoul's turn**  
  
Raoul: **Swings ball backwards and it flies back hitting Jessica in the face rendering her unconscious** Four!  
  
Erica: **Lunges toward Raoul** Look at what you did! She's bleeding!  
  
Sherlock: I would think so; after all she did get hit with an eight-pound bowling ball.  
  
Christine: **Gets queasy** I think I'm going to be sick **Runs off the bathroom**  
  
Erica: Isn't anyone going to help her?  
  
Watson: I'm a doctor!  
  
Erica: I meant someone competent. **Pulls out her cell phone and dials 911** Hello! Someone just got hit in the head with a bowling ball come here right now! **Tells all info and then hangs up**  
  
Sherlock: **Feeling slightly bad presses a handkerchief on her head** this could have been avoided.  
  
Erica: God works in mysterious ways Sherlock.  
  
Nadir: **Talking to the sky** Oh dear Allah please let me go home! These shoes are so disgusting.  
  
Raoul: Is that all you think about; your feet in those shoes?  
  
Nadir: Duh! It's so gross.  
  
Raoul: O_o  
  
Sherlock: For God's sake where is the ambulance?  
  
Christine: Only in America can a pizza come to your door faster than an ambulance. **Eats a piece of pizza**  
  
Watson: When did you order pizza?  
  
Christine: Three minutes ago.  
  
Erik: Since when do you eat pizza?  
  
Christine: Since three minutes ago.  
  
Watson: **Hears the ambulance** here it comes!  
  
(The ambulance people put Jessica on a stretcher and everyone goes to the hospital where Jessica is hooked up to a whole bunch of machines and is still unconscious.) 


	13. Watermelon Juggling Jungle Girl?

Disclaimer - You know I don't own any of them, well except me, but that doesn't matter.  
  
Watermelon Juggling Jungle Girl?  
  
Jessica: **Finally wakes up** Ugh! What happened? I feel like I just got hit with a bowling ball. Wait, who are you people? Where am I?  
  
Sherlock: She has amnesia.  
  
Erica: **Sarcastically** Good going Sherlock.  
  
Watson: What's this button do? **Pokes a button that makes the nurse come in**  
  
Nurse#1: What's wrong Miss Gorgonzola?  
  
Jessica: Who?  
  
Erik: The idiot pressed a button, don't pay attention to him.  
  
Nurse#1: Okay. **Shrugs her shoulders and walks away**  
  
Jessica: For the last time, who are all of you? And, who am I? And, what am I doing here?  
  
Raoul: Well, you are Jessica Gorgonzola. We are Raoul, me, Christine, her, Erik, him, Sherlock, him, Watson, him, Nadir, him, and Erica, her. You got hit with a bowling ball and were knocked out.  
  
Jessica: Why was I bowling?  
  
Erica: Because we entered a pageant and I won and you said we could go anywhere I wanted to so I took you bowling.  
  
Sherlock: And you will never remember the incidents during the pageant.  
  
Raoul: **Eyes water** Princess!!!!!!! I want my Princess back!  
  
Jessica: What? Who is Princess?  
  
Watson: Princess, he was the best guinea pig ever! **Starts to cry with Raoul**  
  
Jessica: O_o  
  
Erica: We have a lot of explaining to do.  
  
Jessica: You certainly do.  
  
Erik: Well, you and her **points to Erica** were completely obsessed with Sherlock and me so you followed us around for days on end. So then, something bad happened between you and Sherlock, which none of us know, and you two now hate each other and it's all rather like a soap opera.  
  
Jessica: I hate soap operas. Well, I was the one in the coma.  
  
Erica: She remembers something.  
  
Jessica: No, but how could anyone forget the senseless dribble of a soap opera, even if I do have amnesia.  
  
Watson: Do we get to rebuild her memory?  
  
Sherlock: Sure, why not? After all, she has no idea about anything anyway.  
  
Raoul and Watson: Yay! We get to rebuild her memory!  
  
Erik and Sherlock: **slap their foreheads**  
  
Christine: **Eats pizza** Mmm . . . pizza.  
  
Erik: That's rather disturbing.  
  
Christine: I don't care. **Takes another large bite of the pizza**  
  
Jessica: So, did I win?  
  
Sherlock: No, you were disqualified for killing a guinea pig, then lying about it.  
  
Jessica: Was I sneaky about it?  
  
Watson: I don't know. Let's just tell her she grew up in the circus and can juggle watermelons!  
  
Raoul: No, she was born in the jungle fighting tigers and lions and bears.  
  
Christine: Oh my!  
  
Erik: Stop quoting idiotic movies and let's just tell her what we know.  
  
Sherlock: That's not a hell of a lot.  
  
Erica: I know some stuff, like she goes to college to be a forensic scientist and she has a family, who is in I don't know, but she does have one. And, she likes to read and stuff. Oh yea, and plays the violin.  
  
Jessica: Oh now I know a lot about myself. I feel so loved.  
  
Raoul: I swear you were born in the jungles of Borneo!  
  
Watson: No! In the circus juggling watermelons!  
  
Jessica: **Sarcastically** How about I was born in the jungle juggling watermelons?!  
  
Raoul and Watson: Really?!  
  
Jessica: I have no idea. For all I know it could be true.  
  
Watson: Yay! You're a Carney!  
  
Raoul: No, she a jungle girl!  
  
Jessica: No! I'm not either! I am a person who has no idea what's going on, but it's quite plausible I'm a watermelon juggling jungle girl.  
  
Sherlock: No it's not. Anyway, do you have the slightest idea of anything?  
  
Jessica: Well. uh. let's see, no!  
  
Sherlock: You're not helping!  
  
Jessica: Neither are you!  
  
Erik: Stop fighting! It's annoying!  
  
Jessica and Sherlock: I don't care!  
  
Erik: **Whiny** Touchy.  
  
Christine: **Looks sad** I ran out of pizza.  
  
Watson: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! **Starts to cry** I didn't get any! It was so young! The pizza was too young to be digested!  
  
Jessica: Please tell me before I got hit with the bowling ball I found him utterly annoying!  
  
Erica: Yes you did, and you found that one **points to Raoul** annoying too.  
  
Jessica: Good.  
  
Raoul: Just remember that you are what you are, a watermelon juggling jungle girl.  
  
Jessica: I highly doubt that.  
  
Watson: But it could be true.  
  
Jessica: Probably not.  
  
Sherlock: I suppose we should do something other than contemplate if she was born in the jungle or circus, which I am certain she was not.  
  
Jessica: I am certain I was not either now help me get these needles out and we can leave.  
  
Nurse#2: No you can't. You have to be cleared to leave by Dr. Quack.  
  
Erica: Dr. Quack?  
  
Nurse#2: Yes, he's very sensitive about his last name.  
  
Dr. Quack: **Strolls in and looks at chart** She's free to go if she can pull out the needles herself . . . I'm busy at the moment. **Pulls out a gameboy** I choose you pikachu!  
  
Jessica: O_o. Anyway, one . . . two . . . three . . . four . . .  
  
Watson: **Pulls them out** Five!  
  
Jessica: **Screams** That hurt you dork!  
  
Erik: Do you know what a dork is?  
  
Jessica: I don't fully remember but I can tell you it is not something pleasant! But let's get out of here.  
  
Christine: We have to wait for my next pizza, and then we can leave.  
  
(Pizza Guy walks in)  
  
Pizza Guy: Here's your pizza Mrs. Changy.  
  
Christine: Thank you. **Hands him money and gorges**  
  
Everyone else: **Blinks**  
  
(They all leave the hospital and go to the  
  
Raoul: Jungle!  
  
Announcer person: No you idiot, they go to the hotel.  
  
Raoul: I know, but maybe it's a hotel in the jungle!  
  
Announcer person: **Hits Raoul** No it's not, but you go to the hotel and go to the judges rooms [they're bigger than contestant rooms.]) 


	14. No More Will He Sing That Infernal Song!

Disclaimer - I still don't own anything, although I'm working on it **Runs to find the person who does own them**  
  
"No more will he sing that infernal song!"  
  
Sherlock: I read that music can trigger brain activity.  
  
Erik: We need a CD player.  
  
Raoul: Okay **Pulls out pink CD player** Here you go.  
  
Erica: Let's put this one in **Pulls out "POTO" CD**  
  
Raoul: **Sneaks a different CD in and presses play**  
  
CD Player: Red, the color of an apple. Orange, the color of an orange. Yellow, a great big beautiful sun, sun, sun -  
  
Jessica: **Throws the CD player across the room** Okay, that's not working! Shut it off!  
  
CD player: **Dying** Green, the, color, of, the, trees, and, lots, of, things, that, gr- **Sparks and shuts off**  
  
Watson: **Starts to cry** It was too young to die! No!  
  
Erik: Anyway. what else is supposed to work?  
  
Sherlock: **Paging through a book** well, animals are also said to work.  
  
Erica: I'll be right back **bolts downstairs to a pet store and buys a puppy** Okay, I'm back. **Puts it on Jessica's lap** His name is Spike.  
  
Jessica: Okay, it's cute and all, but I don't see how it's supposed to work.  
  
Watson: Hey Holmes, you were wrong twice in one day!  
  
Sherlock: Shut up you dolt! **Hits Watson really hard**  
  
Watson: **Whimpers and walks to the corner and cries**  
  
Erik: Anyway . . . where's the fop?  
  
Everyone: **Looks around to see Raoul dancing with earphones on**  
  
Christine: **Taps him on the shoulder** what are you listening to?  
  
Raoul: Polka! **Starts to sing and do "The Chicken Dance"** I don't wanna be a chicken, I don't wanna be a duck so kiss my butt, butt, butt, butt butt!  
  
Everyone: O_o  
  
Erica: **Takes ear phones and smashes them with her foot and then throws the CD player at the wall and it smashes into tiny pieces** Ha! I broke it! No more will he sing that infernal song!  
  
Raoul: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! **Tries to catch his breath**  
  
Jessica: Anyway can someone please help me? I really want my memory back.  
  
Erica: **Dials phone** Hello? Dr. Quack. Yes, she hasn't got her memory back and we've tried a whole bunch of stuff. Come in right now? Okay. **Hangs up** He said to come right now.  
  
Jessica: Fine, let's go.  
  
Watson: I want to play doctor. Can I drive the car? Please? No! I wanna drive!  
  
Sherlock: Shut up and let's go.  
  
(They all get into two cars and go to Dr. Quacks office** 


	15. Electrodes?

Disclaimer - I found him, he wouldn't let me have the rights to the characters, but I can very well pretend I do, but that would be wrong so I don't own them, unless you'd like to think I do. That would be sweet, but since you probably won't ignore my author dribble.  
  
Electrodes?  
  
Dr. Quack: **Hispanic accent** Hello everybody!  
  
Everybody: Hello Dr. Quack.  
  
Dr. Quack: Okay, since my sleeping gas is the older version she will not be totally asleep right away and may say some things that she shouldn't so I just wanted to let you know. **Puts mask on Jessica's face**  
  
Jessica: **Gets giggly and kind of weirded out** ya know what Sherlock, you're kinda cute, and Erik, love that voice. Raoul and Watson, you two suck, I hate you both. **Falls asleep**  
  
Sherlock: **Blushes**  
  
Erica: **Laughs and points at Sherlock** He's blushing! Ha!  
  
Sherlock: **Gets stone-faced again** Shut up.  
  
Dr. Quack: Shh! I need silence. **Draws little x's on Jessica's temples and puts electrodes on her. He keeps them in place with little pins that go into your head two inches and presses the voltage button** It should work after I press this three times. **Presses it again. Then, the third time** Okay, she should wake up in about an hour. **Neglects to take out electrodes and walks into the other room**  
  
Raoul: **Poking Jessica** is she dead?  
  
Erik: No you imbecile, she's asleep.  
  
(Doorbell rings)  
  
Christine: Oh! I'll get it! **Answers the door and there's a pizza guy standing out there** Pizza! Yay! Here's the cash. **Throws the money at him and grabs the pizza**  
  
Everyone else: O_o  
  
Christine: What? I can be hungry too ya know.  
  
Raoul and Watson: Can I have a piece?  
  
Christine: **Starts to growl and foam at the mouth** NO! IT'S MY PIZZA! MINE! ALL MINE!  
  
Everyone else: O_o  
  
Raoul and Watson: **Go and play with telletubbies because they can't have her pizza**  
  
Erik: This is terribly tedious**  
  
Erica: I want to go home. **Plugs in gameboy to one of the machines for power, but doesn't realize it's the electrode machine and starts to play a boxing game. She presses a punch button and Jessica hits Stephanie [another contestant who came along for the ride] right in the nose and breaks her nose**  
  
Stephanie: **Grabs her face** my nose! Ah! What has she done to my nose?  
  
Sherlock: It looks like it might be broken.  
  
Stephanie: Did I ask you? I didn't think so, but someone get me a towel!  
  
Erica: Oops. **Puts gameboy in pocket inconspicuously and then goes to get a towel** Here you go.  
  
Stephanie: **Leaves with the towel**  
  
Erica: Well she was rude. She didn't even say thank you.  
  
Sherlock: I just want to go back to London.  
  
Erik: I want to go back to my lair, right now.  
  
Nadir: I want my shoes back! **Still has on bowling shoes from previous day**  
  
Watson: Ha, ha! You forgot your slippers at the bowling alley!  
  
Nadir: No, I didn't forget them, you people wouldn't let me get them. Dear Allah I want slippers.  
  
Erica: **Gets devious idea and runs to the department store next door and comes back with a bag** Here Nadir!  
  
Nadir: **Greedily opens the bag to reveal pink bunny slippers** Erm . . . what are these?  
  
Erica: **Innocently** I got you some slippers. Put them on or you'll make me feel bad.  
  
Nadir: **Grumbles something under his breath and puts them on** Wow! They're fuzzy!  
  
Raoul: **Gets wide-eyed** Fuzzy! I want to touch them! Can I touch the fuzzy shoes?  
  
Nadir: No! **Raoul does it anyway** I hate you fop.  
  
Raoul: I am not a fop! I am a Raoul de Changy and you should love me! I am special.  
  
Erik: **Under his breath** yea, your special, Special Ed.  
  
Watson: What was that?  
  
Erik: Nothing.  
  
Dr. Quack: **Comes back in** I forgot to take the electrodes out. **Takes them out and goes away again**  
  
(Finally, after the hour is up)  
  
Jessica: Hey everybody. Wait, I think I remember something. Someone quiz me!  
  
Sherlock: Where did you go to school?  
  
Jessica: The University of New Haven. **Thinks about it** Hey! I remembered something! I'm cured!  
  
Erica: Where were you born?  
  
Jessica: Uh . . . I don't know. But I do know that when I was 16 I had my own apartment.  
  
Raoul: What about before you were 16?  
  
Jessica: I don't know. But I also remember that Sherlock is a jerk and I hate him!  
  
Erik: This is the first and last time any of you will ever hear this, I am so confused. What exactly happened?  
  
Sherlock: It is not important. All you have to know is she's a lying wench.  
  
Christine: Language Sherlock! I don't want my baby to hear you say those words!  
  
Raoul: That's right you're pregnant. **Gets to close to pizza**  
  
Christine: **Foams at the mouth** Get away from my pizza! **Chases him around the hospital for almost touching the pizza**  
  
Raoul: Help me! **Tries to get away from Christine**  
  
Erik: **Rolling on the floor in laughter**  
  
Jessica: I don't want to know. But I do know I want to go home.  
  
(They all go back to the hotel.) 


	16. Gorgy!

Disclaimer - I swear I hate these things! Note to self: Destroy person who came up with disclaimers. Any who, enjoy! By the way, I don't own any lyrics to Christina Aguleria songs.  
  
Gorgy!  
  
(Everyone is packing to go home when Erica and Jessica's hotel phone rings. Erica answers)  
  
Erica: Hello? Uh, she's packing. Sure I'll tell her. Bye. **Hangs up and goes back to packing** Sherlock just called he wants to meet you outside.  
  
Jessica: **Stops packing** I have no intention of talking to him.  
  
Erica: C'mon. You have to talk to him. This may be the last time you ever see him.  
  
Jessica: Thank God. **Continues to pack**  
  
Erica: Go or else I won't speak to you ever again.  
  
Jessica: **Mutters something incoherent** Fine, I'll go. **Goes downstairs and out the door where Sherlock is standing with his back to the door. Taps his shoulder** what'd you want?  
  
Sherlock: Oh, I wanted to say I was sorry for what I said. I was wrong to have overreacted and I must say you were very clever and cunning with your lie, even if it wasn't right I must say you do it very well. I would like to offer you the chance of coming to London to be my apprentice.  
  
Jessica: **Totally speechless** Well, I mean, maybe, I guess. But why did you change your mind? This is getting really weird.  
  
Sherlock: There aren't many people who could meet my standards and you are one of the few. I thought I needed a more suitable partner than Watson; after all he is a spot of a dolt you know.  
  
Jessica: **Hugs Sherlock really tight** Of course I'll come! This is the opportunity of a lifetime!  
  
Sherlock: This will be the start of a grand adventure.  
  
(They go back inside and back to their rooms. Later on that evening they're eating a goodbye dinner at another fancy restaurant, only this time it's Italian food. Erik is sitting next to Erica and Christine; Raoul is near Christine and Watson. Sherlock is near Jessica and Nadir.)  
  
Christine: I want pizza! **Licks her lips**  
  
Raoul: Pregnant Christine is very scary. **Starts to hum a Barney song**  
  
Nadir: Make him shut up!  
  
Erik: It would be my pleasure. **Takes out the Punjab lasso and starts to strangle Raoul**  
  
Jessica: I remember that I do find that rather amusing.  
  
Erica: Yay! She's coming back!  
  
Jessica: O_o  
  
Sherlock: Anyway, what do we suppose we should eat?  
  
Jessica: Penne a la vodka.  
  
Erica: What's that?  
  
Jessica: It's penne, macaroni, a la vodka.  
  
Erica: I still don't get it, but what ever.  
  
(The waiter comes over)  
  
Waiter: How may I help you?  
  
Jessica: Eight penne a la vodkas and eight glasses of sparkling water.  
  
Waiter: Is that all?  
  
Christine: No, we also want a cheese pizza.  
  
Waiter: I will be back in a moment.  
  
Christine: **Foaming at the mouth** Pizza! Must have my pizza!  
  
Everyone: **Scoots away from Christine**  
  
Raoul: I'm still afraid of pregnant Christine!  
  
Erik: We all are, trust me.  
  
(20 minutes later the waiter is coming back with the food)  
  
Waiter: Enjoy. **Hands everyone their plates and they start to eat**  
  
Sherlock: You were right Gorgy, this is amazing.  
  
Everyone except Jessica and Sherlock: Gorgy?  
  
Jessica: Well, as Sherlock's apprentice I am entitled to a nickname. Jess is too informal and Gorgonzola takes too long to say so Gorgy seemed to be the perfect nickname.  
  
Everyone: **Blinks**  
  
Jessica and Sherlock: **sigh at their ignorance**  
  
Erik: What is it about you two? You act like you were never mad at each other.  
  
Jessica: It's a long story; you're better off not asking.  
  
Christine: **stops gorging** okay, 'cause I didn't want to listen. **Resumes gorging**  
  
Erik: I have an announcement.  
  
Everyone: **Looks at him in confusion**  
  
Erik: I am buying a cheese company in Wisconsin and I am offering Christine the vice-president job. Raoul, you could be a worker.  
  
Christine: I'd love to work in your factory! **Hugs Erik**  
  
Erik: **Sighs** Excellent! **Gets monotonous** Raoul?  
  
Raoul: Sure why not? I need a job to support my wife and baby!  
  
Erik: Humph!  
  
Raoul: **Singing and does a belly dance** I'm a genie in a bottle baby! Gotta rub me the right way honey! I'm a genie in a bottle baby!  
  
Everyone: **Blinks**  
  
Watson: **Singing and does a booty dance** Come on over! Come on over baby! Hey boy you got what's going on! Come on over! Come on over baby!  
  
Everyone: O_o  
  
Jessica: I will never be the same again.  
  
Sherlock: I generally have a strong stomach, but I just lost my appetite.  
  
Erik: That was a grotesque display!  
  
Watson and Raoul: **Take bows and sit and eat again**  
  
(40 minutes later everyone is ready to leave and Christine is taking all their food home for herself.)  
  
Sherlock: Gorgy, that is something that I never wish to see again. Watson is such an idiot.  
  
Jessica: Yes I know Holmes. I never really thought Watson was a suitable sidekick.  
  
Watson: **Overhears them talking and talks to himself** I will get revenge! I will! **Bad Diabolical laughter**  
  
Raoul: What's wrong? Are you going to hurl?  
  
Watson: I was trying to laugh evilly! Ugh! **Storms into the hotel**  
  
Raoul: **Decides to copy him** I was trying to laugh evilly! Ugh! **Storms into the hotel**  
  
Christine: **Follows closely behind Raoul running with the food**  
  
Sherlock: That is odd.  
  
Erica: I just want to go home. **Gets a stroke of genius** Can I work in your factory Erik?  
  
Erik: Why not?  
  
Erica: Yay! I have a job for Erik! I am so happy!  
  
(Everyone goes into their rooms to go to sleep and get ready for leaving the next morning.  
  
Jessica, Sherlock, and Watson: London  
  
Erik, Erica, Raoul, Christine, and the bags of food: Wisconsin  
  
Nadir: Paris) 


	17. The End

Disclaimer - **To the tune of "My Way"** and now the end is near, it's time to face the final curtain! **Regular again** Anyway, this is the last real chapter of this story so by now you should have to idea that I never did and never will own any of the characters that you have come to love, except me, but I'm not loveable so whatever.  
  
The End  
  
(They're at the airport waiting for their flights)  
  
Erik: When's our flight?  
  
Erica: It's in an hour.  
  
Christine: **Perky** so I have enough time to order a pizza!  
  
Raoul: We're going to go poor because you order so much pizza.  
  
Christine: I don't care. **Goes to order pizza**  
  
Raoul: **Chases after her**  
  
Sherlock: Gorgy, when's our flight?  
  
Jessica: In 30 minutes, we should be loading soon.  
  
Nadir: I love these slippers. I never realized how much pink bunnies really did for us. I'm going to paint my whole house pink to match these spiffy slippers! Maybe pink walls, and pink carpet, but then I need pink bedspreads, and throw pillows! I have so much redecorating to do, and not to mention how I'll have to dye all my clothes pink!  
  
Everyone: O_o  
  
Erica: I knew you would like them.  
  
Raoul: **Valley girl voice** Orange is so the new pink!  
  
Watson: Whoever said that should be shot, pink will never be replaced by a secondary color like orange **Cough** Jessica **Cough**  
  
Jessica: What, do you need a cough drop?  
  
Watson: Never mind!  
  
Jessica: **Looks at watch** we better get going!  
  
Sherlock: We have a slight problem.  
  
Jessica: and that would be?  
  
Sherlock: we only have two first class tickets and one coach ticket.  
  
Jessica: What's the big deal, you and I will go in first class and Watson will be in coach.  
  
Watson: **Goes to protest but is interrupted**  
  
Sherlock: It's settled then. Do you mind Watson?  
  
Watson: **Crossly** No! I don't mind!  
  
Sherlock: Good, now let's be off!  
  
Jessica: Okay! **Follows like a puppy**  
  
Watson: **Lags behind**  
  
(They get onto the plane and we see Jessica and Sherlock in first class)  
  
Jessica: **Panicky** did I mention I'm afraid of heights?  
  
Sherlock: Several times now. Can you please calm down?  
  
Jessica: Calm down? Do you know what happened to Amelia Earnhart?  
  
Sherlock: Yes, I do, but there's no need to be worried. I am sure the pilot is highly qualified.  
  
Jessica: That's what they all say. **Faints because she's freaking out so much**  
  
Sherlock: Thank God she's quiet.  
  
(After take off in coach -)  
  
Random child: **Kicking Watson's seat**  
  
Random baby: **screaming**  
  
Watson: **Squished between two fat people**  
  
(Meanwhile in first class)  
  
Jessica: **Looks out the window** OH MY GOD! NO ONE SAID ANYTHING ABOUT AN OCEAN! WE'RE FLYING OVER AN OCEAN! OH MY GOD WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!  
  
Sherlock: Calm down Gorgy, there's nothing to worry about.  
  
Jessica: OF COURSE THERE'S SOMETHING TO WORRY ABOUT! WE'RE HIGH IN AIR OVER AN OCEAN! WE'RE GOING TO DIE! **Sobbing**  
  
(After multiple hours of flight they finally land in England)  
  
Jessica: **Kissing the ground** Thank God we're on the ground again! Thank God!  
  
Sherlock: **Embarrassed** Get up. You look like Watson!  
  
Jessica: **Jumps up off the ground** Olay. I'm normal now.  
  
Watson: Humph!  
  
(They go to Baker Street)  
  
Jessica: Whoa! It looks just like I imagined.  
  
Sherlock: Well, it should, after all, it doesn't change much.  
  
Watson: Holmes, we have a problem.  
  
Sherlock: And that would be?  
  
Watson: We only have two rooms.  
  
Sherlock: Oh, well Watson I guess you're going to have to leave.  
  
Watson: What? **Starts to sob** I don't wanna go! I have all my stuff here and the move would make Tinky-winky so very upset!  
  
Jessica: O_o  
  
Sherlock: Fine, Gorgy and I will just have to share a room.  
  
Jessica: **Under her breath** Yes! Score!  
  
Watson: **Crossly** Fine! Be that way. I'm going to go to the store to get cake mix. **Leaves**  
  
Jessica: Why is he getting cake mix?  
  
Sherlock: When he's upset he likes to bake.  
  
Jessica: **Gets evil idea** I'll be right back **Runs into the kitchen and dumps out pink frosting and fills container with pink paint and stirs it around so it resembles the frosting. Comes back** Okay I'm done.  
  
Sherlock: Did you just paint something?  
  
Jessica: **Realizes there's pink paint on her hands** Oh, yea, it's a present to send. to um. Erik, yea for his new business.  
  
Sherlock: Okay.  
  
(Three hours later Watson's frosting the cake and Jessica's hysterically laughing but no one's paying attention to her. Watson takes the first bite)  
  
Watson: This cake tastes - (falls on the floor and has seizures.)  
  
Jessica: **Laughing so hard her sides hurt** Ha! Look at him shake!  
  
Sherlock: What did you do?  
  
Jessica: Nothing.  
  
Sherlock: This is the beginning of an odd friendship.  
  
THE END!  
  
Go to the next chapter to find what's in store for Gorgy, Sherlock, Watson, Erik, Christine, Erica and the fop! 


	18. Epilogue

This is a mini-chapter to tell you about the upcoming sequel to "Miss Literary Legend 2003." It's going to be called "A Very Cheesy Mystery." It will explain a lot about Gorgy's past and her family.  
  
Summary:  
  
Sherlock Holmes and Jessica "Gorgy" Gorgonzola are summoned to Wisconsin to help save Erik's company from a major cheese thief. In the process they run into the evil Captain Cheddar and many other members of "The Cheese Family." So look out for the sequel and it's sure to be a scream!  
  
-Jessica a.k.a. Gorgy ^_~ 


End file.
